Josie Brown : Totlandia - Book 1 (The Onesies, Fall)

Totlandia - Book 1 (The Onesies, Fall)

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Romance, Fiction & Literature

For Readers Of

mystery, romantic suspense, Janet Evanovich, Sue Grafton, H.P. Mallory

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Print Length

186 pages




Signal Press

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About the Book    About the Author


The Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club is the most exclusive children’s playgroup in all of San Francisco. For the city’s ultra-competitive elite, the club’s ten annual spots are the ultimate parenting prize.

But not everyone is PHM&TC material. The club’s founder, Bettina Connaught Cross, adheres to strict membership rules: Moms only. No single parents or working mothers allowed. Membership is an arduous commitment. And there’s no room in the club for scandal, bad behavior, or imperfection…from tots or their moms. In a world of power and prestige, no one has more than Bettina. And as every mom in Pacific Heights knows, you simply cannot cross her.

But this year’s admissions process is more rigorous than ever, pitting prospective members against each other to prove their mettle. But four of the six candidates vying for the remaining four slots have a secret that would knock them out of the running. Jade is a former stripper and porn actress, who has been absent for most of her son’s life. Jillian’s husband cleaned out their joint accounts and left her for his pregnant assistant. Ally never even had a husband—just a sperm donor—and she’s hiding a high-ranking corporate job. And Lorna fears that her son may have special needs… just the excuse her sister-in-law, Bettina, needs to deny her entry to the club.

Can these hopeful moms keep up appearances long enough to outlast the competition? Or will their chances—and their private lives—go up in flames?

Friendship. Lies. Seduction. Betrayal. Welcome to Totlandia.

Editorial Reviews

"Josie Brown writes Totlandia with her usual
storytelling flair. The dialogue is smooth and flowing. The characters are easy
to side with or become angry with, depending on each situation. The scenery is
easy to visualize. And we mustn't forget all the sex (blush-worthy, at that)
and scandal that is a staple of a true Josie Brown novel. The book kept me
entertained and on my toes the entire time. It showed that there are mothers
who are human and sometimes screw up, even with the best intentions at hand.
Guilty pleasure, anyone?" — Melissa Amster,

"Totlandia a truly entertaining read and difficult to put down. This
book is wonderfully written and has more than just drama. There are touching
moments, parts that made me laugh out loud. Someone will pick up this series
for television. With this group, everyone has a secret, and unraveling them has
left me ready to find out what happens next! — Divine
Secrets of a Domestic

"The storyline was so easy to get
caught up in. Right away, Josie Brown hooks readers and she doesn’t let go
until the last page. I got so involved in each character’s story and was right
alongside them cheering for them and feeling all the emotions alongside them. I
loved the variety of characters, the balance of funny and serious moments, and
just the wacky story. I cannot wait to see what is next in the series! — The Book

"When you think ‘mom’ you probably
envision a sweet, cookie-making, nurturing type, but hang out on a playground
for half an hour and you’ll realize moms can also be catty, competitive and
incredibly judgmental. Josie Brown has that bunch nailed in her new book
series Totlandia.
Picture Desperate Housewives and Sex and the City. Totlandia
would be the babies they’d create. The book is a blast, packed with humorous
punches between these ladies whose very existence relies on their ability to
keep up appearances. This author will have you howling as you devour this
most recent work. Yeah, she’s that good. And so are her books. — Stress Free, Baby

“"Laugh-out-loud funny and
sometimes touching, the Totlandia
novels serve as the perfect quick read for busy moms or anyone looking to
escape with some gossipy fun."

"Who knew that joining a mom and
tot group would be so strife with maneuvers worthy of a presidential campaign?
Membership in The Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club supposedly can
guarantee a bright future for your offspring. Although these women are
mostly wealthy, there are a few that are just getting by. As the group
opens up to new members, each mother has only one goal: to insure
their child will have every advantage that money can and can't
buy. I adored this quick read and can't wait to get further into the
lives of these women. There are some really sweet moments mixed in with
the catty wonderfulness that Brown always seems to capture. I just
can't believe I have to wait until the installment which will be
released soon." — Mary Jacobs, Bookhounds Reviews

“Brown has you rooting for the
under-mommy who is halfway normal while gawking at the crazy mommies. These
moms are so over the top it’s like peeking into a wild animal exhibit at the
zoo. But that’s what makes it fun. And you’ll end up feeling that you are such a great (or should that be “not
crazy”) mom. Brown does a great job of giving all the moms a real feeling.
You’ve met these moms — maybe not to this extreme, despite their wealth they
feel familiar. She shows you their vulnerabilities and does a great job in
creating believable characters. You get addicted pretty quick (this is a
literary reality show), pick your favorite, and can’t wait to read what happens
next.” — Words by Webb

“Right from the first
page Totlandia made me laugh at some of the predicaments that
mother’s are placed in when they are dealing with a one-year-old. The author
did an amazing job at giving each character a distinct voice and their own
trials throughout the book. I found myself cheering them on and hoping
they make the cut, even though part of my mind was thinking how ridiculous it
all was. But really, friendship and support for mothers is a key part of
keeping sane when you have little ones to take care of. I know from experience.
I look forward to being able to continue with the drama that is the PHM&T
club. — Simply Stacie

“The world Brown created with The
Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club, and uber-exclusive children’s playgroup
in San Francisco is indeed packed full of “Friendship. Lies. Seduction.
Betrayal.” Too much fun and so full of the drama of motherhood! I can’t
wait to read all four of these soapy treats." —

“These women are so deliciously awful to
one another. They each have secrets, which are revealed along the way and would
surely disqualify them for membership in the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots
Club. The way they go about hiding their secrets, plus the way that the other
members of the group protect one another will break your heart one moment and
have you giggling to yourself the next. You’ll find yourself warming to these
women soon after meeting them and rooting for them, whether or not that means
they make it!" —

“Josie Brown’s Totlandia delivers. Imagine the high-fashion,
status-conscious set of Gossip Girl
in their early thirties with babies in tow, set in San Francisco, and you have
Brown’s world, where young mothers vie to get their one year olds a position on
the fast track to social status and financial success. Will this novel change
your life? Absolutely not. Will you learn something deep and profound about the
human condition or about yourself? No. Will you pass a few hours in the
problems of someone else, someone with much more glamorous problems than your
own? Yes. If you dig chick lit with lots of fashion, back stabbing and a little
sex. I almost hate to admit it, but I can’t wait for the next in the series.” —

"If you are a fan of the popular Real Housewives shows, it's a good
bet you will eat this story up! All I can say is, I'm glad I don't know any of
these people in real life! The woman of The Pacific Heights Moms and Tots Club
are conniving, secretive, vindictive and desperate, for many different reasons.
The stuff of good drama. As moms, there is plenty we can relate to. One mom fears
her child has autism. Another faces a painful divorce. One is trying to juggle
career and motherhood in a culture that looks down on those who don't give
their all to their offspring. Dads need not apply to The Pacific Heights
Moms and Tots Club, but one has. He's determined to get his child in, and has
devised a plan to fool the uptight ladies of the club. There's just one problem
- his son's mother. These are the moms of Totlandia.
Get to know them today! — The Writer Revived

"This is the first time I have read
a Josie Brown book. I didn’t really know what to expect but I was immediately
hooked by the storyline and cannot wait to read her other books. Brown’s
writing style makes it very easy for the reader to follow. I personally learned
to love these characters very quickly and cannot wait to find out who will eventually
be accepted as a full member into the club. Once I started reading this book it
was very hard to put it down. I could so easily identify with all the
characters. I almost felt as if I was applying for a space for my eight-month-old
daughter in the playgroup myself. Totlandia
is a fantastic read that I highly recommend! It is funny, exciting, and
intriguing, and the suspense it creates is amazing.” My rating: 5 out of 5 — Cosmochicklitan

"Loved it! Brown does a slam-dunk
job at writing a witty novel with a lot of heart, laughs, and WTF moments! I
may not be a mother yet, but I was hooked from the beginning and I am so glad I
have book # 2 ready to go in my Kindle, because the cliffhanger had me
practically panting. 5 stars!" ?—
Chick Lit Plus

“Totlandia is
highly addictive. The fabulous cover is a head-turner, but the storyline itself
is what keeps me flipping the pages long into the night. The unique story of
each woman speaks to a little part inside all of us. And the high-stakes war of
entry into this exclusive club reminds us that the competitive nature of high
school cliques is never far behind. I loved Totlandia,
and am already deep into the second in the series.” —

"Brown did it again! She
wrote a book that is both hysterical and original. She gets at the heart
of motherhood and all its glory and shame! Brown loves to develop
numerous characters and you sure to connect with one, if not all in some way.
She makes you think, with whimsy and fun.
I absolutely adore her writing and I cannot wait to drive into
Book Two of this series!" — Mommy Book Nerd

“The story moves at a very good pace with many laugh out loud
moments, and snarky sarcasm. I feel so much anticipation about what will happen
next, you’d think I had submitted an application to the club, too. I highly
recommend this book and think your anticipation will be just as high as mine.
Kudos to Josie Brown for a very good book and giving me several hours of
reading enjoyment." — The
Bookworm News & Reviews

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