For the Moments I Feel Faint: Reflections on Fear & Showing Up
In this mini E-Book, I take the miracle of Jesus feeding the 5,000 as a lens with which to look at my first 2 years overseas in my desert home. I recount how God took what I had to give (though it didn’t feel like much), and blessed it. Then, how I was broken. I learned, then, about what we can give once we’re broken.
Fear was a familiar friend, those years. The temptation for self preservation was strong. The desire to hunker down and stay safe was big. But I moved back overseas. I kept showing up. And I believe if we, people of faith, are willing to be taken, blessed, broken and given, even in our fears, that there is enough for us all to eat and be satisfied.
These are words for the moments I felt faint. The days I didn’t want to show up. For the moments I wanted to cry and for the ones I actually did. For the days where anxiety and fear threatened to take over. For the days my strength was gone and for every moment that God never failed me.
These are words for you, too. For the moments you feel faint. For the days that showing up feels hard or impossible. For the days that the fear feels paralyzing, for the days in our breaking that the ache is physical. May these words help you have the courage to keep showing up. May we find the value in brokenness, and may we never let fear keep us from giving, and from seeing to it that all are fed and satisfied.
Beth Watkins has spent over 6 years in international ministry, working in closed countries in North Africa, South Sudan, and Egypt. Her work has led her to minister with incredibly vulnerable populations (street children in conflict zones, refugees from the Horn of Africa, and inner-city youth) and to endure extreme experiences: interrogation, expulsion, and evacuation from war.
Beth grew up in small-town Delaware. She holds a BA in Religion in Cross Cultural Studies from Liberty University, and is fluent in Sudanese Arabic. She currently lives in Egypt with her British husband, where they both work with refugees in a ministry of the Anglican church.
Beth’s professional experience is broad. For over five years, she has designed and managed projects to give street children and refugees sustainable incomes, spending one year living and working with a group of forty former street girls. She has organized job placements for hundreds of refugees, and oversaw an adult education center that served over 300. She is also a talented illustrator and painter.
When she is in America, Beth speaks in a number of churches and in small groups about her overseas work and her faith. She is motivated by a strong vision of God’s justice for the poor and His call for Christians to care for their neighbor in every facet of life. She and her husband also speak in a small number of churches in the UK.
Her writing has been published in Signet Ring Magazine, and her illustration has been published in various platforms, including an edited volume on peace in South Sudan.